I Will Wake
by JadedRoseColour
Summary: Cliché or not, real or not, Natasha still has very real fears and this one happens to be the 2nd worst one.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little somber story I've had planned for awhile.**

 **I hope you enjoy reading this. There will be a part 2 so if you end up liking this then I suggest following the story until part 2 is up.**

 **Many thanks -Casper**

"I hate this, Natasha."

 _Her voice is so soft, so...broken_. "Hate what exactly?"

"Everything. I'm human."

 _My lover is falling apart and I don't know what to do_. "Most of us are."

"No, I'm just human."

 _I hear anger, despair, and sadness. I have to make her okay again_. "Maria."

"Please, just leave me alone."

 _I leave. Before our new mission I will talk to her again. Maybe she just needs time alone_.

"I'm sorry!"

 _I didn't get to talk to her. It started sooner than expected. It's HIS fault_. "Barton! Shut up or you'll end up dead!"

"I'm so sorry, Natasha. Please."

 _THEY let her down. How dare THEY let me down_. "You're not. No one is."

"Natasha, we didn't know about... It's- Everything will be alright."

 _Lairs. Betrayal. Enemies_. "Rogers, I don't want to hear it. I quit, whatever this is, I can't anymore."

"We still need you on our team, Natasha. Quitting won't bring her back even if we all want it too."

 _Killers. Murders_. "She was the only one, Stark."

 _She's gone and left without me. I'd give anything and all_. "I hate this. I hate that you can't hear me, that you can't see me, you can't hold me... I miss your terrible singing in the shower, I miss stealing a kiss when you're working late, I- It tasted like scotch half the time, you know,... I-I just want you back home with me."

"It's not healthy to come here everyday, Natasha."

 _Betrayer. He cannot be here. She's not here. She won't ever be. Leave_. "I do not come here everyday, Stark. Besides, what are you doing here?"

"Every month I come here. We might not have been friends but she was an amazing person who kept all of us and everything else a little sane."

 _I do not need sympathy nor nostalgia. Go. Now_. "Yeah."

"Sleeping here won't help. I found myself looking for you after awhile. I, we, all are not doing the best and we miss you being apart of the family."

 _They do not kill. He's lying just so they can use everything that I am again. No empathy_. "Family?"

"I don't, you see, I don't really do much anymore. I help when I can but there's no more Iron Man. So, when everyone started to slip away Steve and I didn't want that. Funny enough we finally agreed on something like that. Some of us only know the 'team' as family so why break apart when it's simpler to stay together."

 _I hate them. I hate him_. "You changed a lot."

"I'm more scared that you haven't. It's been years and you still... Come home alright? The twins, Steve, sometimes , and I we all live in the same place. You come find us when you want back home."

 _Am I really going to forget her? She is-, was, my everything. She looked at my past and gave me her love in the future. They left. I won't ever leave her_.

 _My body is shaking. I can feel two spots of warmth and I can hear a muffled voice. Clearer as it becomes it's her. Unforgettable with soft spoken words filled with love. I must have died_.

"Natasha? Wake up."

 _Wake up? That must-_.

"Wha-?"

 _It hurts to jolt up awake. My eyes feel sore as I can feel tears running down my cheeks. I was crying in my sleep the whole time and she had to wake up to it. She's alive_.

"Hey there, beautiful. You where having a bad dream and kind of beat the crap out of me when I tried waking you the first two times."

 _I can't help but cry more. She's alive. She's here breathing taking my hands in hers. She's existing here with me_.

"Sorry- I-. You have no idea how happy I am to see you."

 _She's warm as she hugs me. My chest feels, my whole being just feels, warm and alive. I can hear her heart beat. I can hear her beautiful voice so close to me_.

"Don't cry. It's alright everything is okay. I don't like it when I see someone so deserving of happiness cry over a nightmare. I'm here, I'm alive, I'm warm, I'm breathing."

 _I've missed her_.

"I love you, Maria."

 _I won't let anything harm her_.

"I love you too, Natasha."


	2. Chapter 2

p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strongI hope all of you enjoy this chapter! I had lost all of my writings due to my tablet crashing while the app I use for writing was open and because of that I became really deterred from writing more but my brain is still producing amazing (at least I think they're amazing) ideas! Can't wait to see the responses from you fantastic readers!/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strongA quick note to put here is I do not know how separation anxiety feels like or what it may cause in the person affected by it so please if you suffer from it and our willing to tell me if something is wrong here and I will gladly change my wording./strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strongThank you! 3/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong- Casper/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong—-TRIGGER WARNING: VAGE MENTION OF DRUG USE—-/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong—-Summary—-/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strongNatasha had to spend 3 weeks away from Maria. Having already been exhausted from a previous mission she suffers from separation anxiety causing the most troubling dreams./strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"strong—/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Hm,... Natasha? Do you ever see yourself retiring from being a hero?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emA strange question from my beautiful wife but that's preferable. My music./em "I'm not a hero, Maria."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Right, right, and I'm a pacifist."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emTilted head, mildly amused, soft, and that is preferable. My art. I can't help but move closer to her./em "I can't... There's too much red."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Right."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emSuch a sad soft sound. I think I'll talk to Clint soon and see if I can plan to make this work out better. Later though she's warm./em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I can't anymore, Natasha."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emI've never seen our house this... unorganised and trashed. This is non-preferable. She's only packing her things./em "I-... Maria, I don't understand why you're doing this."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Almost a year."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emShe's angry. This doesn't make sense! She's not making sense!/em "A year? Year what?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""This last mission took you almost a year. You didn't even bother to send or show any signs of you being okay!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emI love her. Don't lose her. I can't help these things! Please understand, Maria. Please,.. I can't let it go./em "I-i..."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emI let her leave. I walk her to the car boxes in hand. Non-preferable. I'll fight for her again./em /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emCan't feel anything. Not this person next to me, not the drugs, not myself. Preferable. This is okay./em "Barton, why are you here?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I'm here because you killed innocent civilians and you've gotten terrible at disappearing."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emNon-preferable./em "Okay"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Can you move?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emNothing but the things keeping me alive. He should clearly see./em "No."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I know... Natasha you need to move on. 4 years is enough. Everyone has the pain of losing love but they also learn to continue on. Maria has been searching for you as well you know... just because it ends doesn't-"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emPain. It's so sharp and tightening. I can't keep up with this, with him telling me lies. She has someone else and I can't- there's nothing- This is painful. Non-preferable./em "Silence, Barton."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Nat?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emNon-preferable. I've made him bleed a lot. Preferable. A sticky mess I'll never clean- He's escaping. Non-preferable. I won't bury him. A calling card? It's all non-preferable./em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Natasha! Wake up, Babe."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emThey found me? Babe?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""C'mon, beautiful. You've been tossing and turning on the couch for hours now. Let's get you into bed."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emToo exhausted, too confused, but her voice sounds so different. Nice, worried, comforting. I missed her eyes./em "Maria... it was just a... dream. Too tired to get up."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I know it was. You seem to forget I share a bed with you and get kicked enough because of you having bad dreams so come on you have a better time sleeping in bed with me."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"emStaring at her with one eye open is always fun. The slight difference in vision not to mention how my blurry vision fades away reviling her in all her beauty. She is right though. I'll tell her the dream tomorrow and maybe see someone about these terrible dreams. They always happen when we're separated for a long time. How strange./em/p 


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